I will admit I thought I had Fatherhood all figured out before we had Rett and Levins. I envision God looking down at me and laughing. I have always done things the hard way. Sometimes because I know I can do it that way or because that's the only way I know. Being a Father, or Daddy as I am referred to is not something that can be taken lightly.
I'll never forget the first time Cullie tried to venture out of the house without Rett and I. I told myself I got this. She was around 4 months old and I mean really what all could go wrong. God was up there laughing. Cullie literally was just taking clothes to the dry cleaner. Somehow, Rett managed to projectile vomit all over me and have a massive, explosive popped.. I gagged several times to the point my eyes were watering. I proceed to text Cullie and ask her where she was. When she walked in the house I was in my boxers with Rett wrapped up in a towel. I realized how important Mama's are when it comes to patience and a strong stomach. . Keep in mind she was only gone for 30 minutes. I honestly think she talked Rett into showing out. It had to be staged. It was too perfect not to be. Hearing the garage door open and knowing back up was almost there was priceless.
That was the first time I had been thrown up on by a child and it surely was not the last. It taught me a lot about myself and how I really knew nothing about all that goes on when I am at work. It showed me how important all the roles of parents are. It showed me how wonderful Cullie is.
Being a Daddy is the greatest thing in the world. Levins has taught me how lucky and fragile Fatherhood can be. I reflect a lot these days. It is crazy to think that Levins has been home longer than she was in the NICU. How is that even possible? It's really hard to believe that she is 9 months old. Time flies and I really wish it would slow down. It has been a year since we found out our sweet girl may have DS. I still remember sitting on my back porch balling my eyes out. Asking God to please not let this be true for Levins. Again I was not mad for me but upset for Levins. I wish I could pull a move from "Back to the Future" and kick the legs from out of the chair. I would tell myself to get up and stop feeling sorry for our family. Little did I know that DS would make me a better Daddy. But that was not the bottom of our free fall of emotions. It has been a crazy year. A year I will never forget, but also a year that made us.
I think one of the things I have learned is that a child with special needs is not a burden on your life. I guess what I mean is I would always see parents with special needs and wonder how in the world do they handle that everyday. I was the guy that needed to read blogs like this. I needed to know that children like Levins are not burdens they are blessings. They change your life. They make you want to be better. Some people work their entire life to learn what life is about. Levins just has to smile and I understand.
Being a Daddy means a lot of different things... from discipline to picking your child up after she falls down the stairs. You want to hear something gut wrenching? Listen to your three year old do unwanted somersaults down the stairs. That will get your heart pumping. Levins will fall down the stairs one day just like Rett. Levins will also vomit on me. I am trying to say my wonderful "special needs" child is my child. I am her Daddy. She will never be a burden. She will always be my daughter. I dream about watching her run to me yelling "Daddy!" That day will be unreal. I can't wait for the day that we have conversations about how proud of her I am. I am proud to be her Daddy.
Thank you Rett and Levins for being perfect. Do know that Daddy is proud of you both. Please continue to pray for our girls. I am biased, but they are pretty special. Pray for Cullie as the food pump goes off every 4 hours and doctors appointments daily. I am proud to do life with such an amazing woman. Pray for me and my balancing acts of life. Thank you for reading our story!
