Before I get into what I want to talk about I have to brag on Rett a little. God really knew what he was doing when he choose Rett to be Levins big sister. It is kind of sad sometimes hearing Rett explain Levins being in the hospital to everyone, but it also makes me feel good because she loves to talk about her "Baby Sister". Rett and I had a date night to one of her favorite spots to eat the other night, Waffle House. My mom has always told me that Rett will tell everyone where her sister is at all times including Target employees. When we first sat down to eat Rett explains to the server that her "Baby Sister" is in the hospital because her tube came out and the doctor needs to fix it. This conversation goes on for a while and I can tell the server is overwhelmed. Rett loves Levins with all her heart. It really bothers her not having all of us together. Sometimes it is hard to admit but she is the glue that holds us all together. She is very hard headed sometimes but has the biggest heart. Her prayers at night are always about bringing Levins home. Mine are always thanking God for choosing us for this journey.
I have gotten hooked on the show "Born this Way" on A&E. If you haven't watched it I would encourage you to. It definitely shines a light on people with DS. A light that I needed to see. An episode I watched the other night involved a few of the girls trying on wedding dresses. Now every Dad has thought about their child getting married one day, but I'll admit with Levins I have not wanted to think about that. I was selfish and wrong to thing that would not happen one day. I can honestly say that I want that to happen one day, but she will have to live right next door. If I could have Rett on the other side that would be even better. I do understand that it will not happen that way, but it is wishful thinking. Most of you know that I cry a little more these days than I used to and I definitely cried watching the girls try on wedding dresses. I cried when one of the girls went on her first date. I am glad Cullie was taking a bath that time. She may would have reconsidered what she got herself into.
The past month has been a whirlwind. We have been out of town a few times for weddings. Weddings of family members that we are pretty close to. It has also been good for Cullie and I to get away for a couple days. It is tough on any marriage adding children. I mean that not in a bad way, but it can be challenging at times. But it's a challenge that we wanted. We could not imagine life any different. We left a wedding weekend early because Levins feeding tube came out. Which is normal and happens sometimes, but this time was different. Her stomach wall eroded required surgery to repair. We went from having a beer at a rehearsal dinner to the emergency room 3 hours later. It was a rough time for us because we felt like we had let some people down. I know we didn't, but it was still hard. Keep in mind we were heading to the ER no matter what. I offered to go on my own but I knew Cullie would call me crazy. We thought it was going to be an over night stay, but it ended up being a week long stay. It was a hard week. We didn't see much of each other. We alternated nights and would try to spend a little time together at the hospital. I learned a lot during that stay. I learned how quickly life can change. I learned how lucky we are to have our little fighter. I learned that there are still children at Levine everyday. Pray for them.
I drive a lot for work, which means I am always thinking. Cullie always teases me because when I talk to myself I move my lips like I am talking. I am sure people pull up next to me wondering what in the world is he talking about. I still have good and bad days like all people. Sometimes the stress of our daily lives gets to me and I talk a lot more. Today I was thinking about how all parents think their children are perfect and want a perfect child. I struggled for several hours thinking about what is the perfect child. Not perfect as in anything physical or mental capabilities, but aspirations for your child. During my argument with myself I pulled up to a stop light and saw a bumper sticker. "I love someone with Down Syndrome" is what the sticker stated. God knew what he was doing when I pulled up behind that car. Perfect children love one another. Quite frankly all children are perfect.
I have always wanted to raise our girls with confidence and to love one another. We had the pleasure of going to a "Buddy Walk" for Down Syndrome this past weekend. It was better this year because Levins was with us. I laughed a lot and watched everyone. I laughed at seeing how happy everyone was. I saw families with children who were teenagers. I saw children dancing like no one was watching. I hope I raise our girls to do that. I want them to live life that way. Life is too short to care about who is watching. I'll admit I used to care. Nowadays I could care less what anyone else thinks. I challenge everyone to live life that way.
I saw a board that was near the entrance that had a few pictures on it. I really have no idea why I went to look at it but I did. Once I did I kept checking it the rest of the day. It stated "Buddy Angels". That hit me pretty hard. It was pictures of children that were in heaven. One was a picture of a little girl around Levins age. I think about that every night. I also think about all babies that were not given the chance to live. I wish I could take every parent who had an ultra sound and was told they had markers for DS to a buddy walk. I think their mindset would change and they would realize how lucky they are.
Levins is doing very well with her swallowing. She has eaten applesauce at speech therapy which is huge for her. I watched her try to drink water from a sippy cup today and that is a miracle in itself. Someone told me that the milestones would be that much sweeter. Everyone was right. The little things are that much sweeter.
Our journey is exactly how I thought it would be. I know you are saying no way. Of course there are difficult times but I would not trade our journey for anyone else's. My wife, 2 girls, girl dog and girl cat have taught me how to be a Man. They have taught me to dance in street like no one is watching and to smile with your whole face. I'll admit if we ever get another dog it will be a boy. I need something to have guy talk with. Please continue to pray for my girls. Pray that they will continue to amaze us all everyday. Pray for this hard headed Daddy. Remember to smile with your whole face. Levins does it all the time!
