Rollercoaster

We had another dark room visit a couple days ago. It never gets old seeing the ultrasound wand lay on Cullie's baby bump and see Levins immediately. Nothing has really changed since our last ultrasound. The amniotic fluid was "generous" just like before, but it was not at a level were it needed to be drained. Levins is still growing at a great rate. She is measuring right on track, which is great news! We did find out that she is definitely going to have to have some form of surgery on her throat/stomach issues. That was not something we wanted to hear or were prepared to hear. I think we kind of thought it was just going to be something that could be stretched or fixed easily. Rather than me try to explain it all here is a link to what we think is going on.

http://pedsurg.ucsf.edu/conditions--procedures/esophageal-atresia.aspx

Yep that bomb was dropped on us. I think what scares me the most is that she will be in the hospital for several weeks after. That is something no parents wants to hear. I want her to be home screaming at 3am. I want to have the stress of how am I going to function at work with no sleep. I want her in our home. I have to admit something. I am very excited about meeting her for the first time, but it really stresses me out. It stresses me out because I feel like it is not going to be the same. I am not sure when we will be able to hold her and see her finally realize who has been talking so loud for so long. I do know one thing we are not going to leave her side.

I feel like we are living the emotional roller coaster known as life in a short time. I do know that God talked to me today. He talked to me about all the good things we have to look forward to with Levins. I know that we are blessed to have the opportunity to hold her soon. The medical team is trying to make sure that we have the rest of our lives to hold her. It is all going to be the same. She will be screaming at 3 am but it will be at the hospital with me laying by her side. I know I keep saying this, but she is a fighter. She amazes me everyday. I need to remember to thank God for the opportunity to look after her while she is down here hanging out with us. I can't wait to hear that scream.