Thanksgiving

I will admit I really did not know how to feel about today. The fact that Levins was not going to be with us all together was going to be tough. I prayed a lot this week that God would help us not dwell on that fact, but enjoy our time together. It is definitely going to be different but we have a lot to be thankful for in our lives.

I laid in bed a little longer this morning. Rett came into our room a little earlier than normal and was was cuddled up with us. She was so peaceful and warm. We had a few great conversations yesterday about Levins. She and I talked about when they are older. She wants bunk beds so they can sleep in the same room. She told me she would sleep on the top bunk but would sleep with Levins when she was scared. If she only new the strength and joy I get from her.

I finally got out of bed and started on my way to the hospital. The entire way I kept telling myself how lucky I was. Not all parents are as lucky are we are. Several have Angels flying around the NICU. It was a moment I needed. It let me know not to dwell on us not being together but be thankful for the opportunity we have to be together soon. Days like today let me know how amazing the rest of our life is going to be.

I could not get up here to see her fast enough. She has another one of our favorite nurses today which makes me feel better. She had our favorite night nurse last night. I know that she will be well taken care of. As I walk in I hear Christmas lullaby's playing. She was fast a sleep. It let me know that God was watching over her. Hearing that music was definitely what I needed.

Monday is a big day for us. Levins will go back to the OR to see how far the gap is now. We are hoping and praying it is close enough that we can repair it someway. We have several different options. I feel like we are getting closer and should have options Monday afternoon. I pray that we make the right decision. It is decisions like these that we will have to make for the rest of our lives. I pray that God will lead us down the right path. I do know that we are one day closer to her coming home.

The only thing that could make my hospital visit today better would be to have Cullie and Rett here with me. I know that is not an option, but it will be happening very soon when she comes home. I do not think Levins has any idea what she is getting into. Rett is so excited to have her home. Snuggle your babies this Thanksgiving. I know that is what we will be doing today.

Conversations

Having your child grow up is a bitter sweet time. Rett and Levins are growing everyday. It makes me sad that they grow so fast but everyday seems to be more exciting. Since Levins has been around, Rett and I have spent a lot more time together. Just the two of us. I'll admit it's terrifying sometimes. I still get stressed over little things but we have a great time. When she won't take a nap or decides to climb into the booth behind us at a restaurant, it gets a little nerve racking. I am definitely learning patience and I wouldn't change a thing she does.

Rett is a thinker. She is always asking why questions like most children but seems to take it to another level. She is very concerned about Levins. She is always asking me how she is and what she is doing. She wants to know who her nurse is and what outfit she is wearing. Rett loves Levins unconditionally and always will. She gets teary eyed sometimes when she looks at her pictures. It tears me up seeing that but it always shows me she is protective of her sister. I can't wait for the moment when we walk out of the elevator and Rett is waiting to see her sister. I know the ride home is going to be full of conversation about toys, playing, golf cart rides, and dress up. Rett loves her cousins and I know she will be so proud to show her sister off to them.

Rett is questioning a lot of things lately. It amazes me the questions she will ask about God. She wants to know who is responsible for making everything. Which leads to who made God. There will be a conversation one day about Levins and why she can't run as fast or something along those lines. I can honestly say I am ready for that conversation. I know it won't happen for a while but I know Rett will get it. She will understand that God makes everything and is responsible for everything. She will know that God made everything in His image. Knowing that, I know she will understand that Levins is perfect. This was a conversation that used to scare me. Rett has taught me so much as a Father to her. She has taught me how perfect my girls are.

Levins and Mimi had a great moment today. They had a conversation. Between Mimi's tears and Levins cooing it was unreal! It was a moment I will never forget. I worry about her all the time. It was a moment I needed. She let me know she was doing well and she is going to get through this.

Levins is doing much better. Her cold seems to be going away. She fought hard to get through it. She had a couple rough days, which worried us all. This child is amazing. The things this world throws at her are tough but she fights. I'll be honest the day we walk out of here is going to be emotional. I will be a wreck, I think about it every time I drive to the hospital. I think about the time we get to load her up and bring her home. Seeing our family together is going to be a beautiful thing. I'll admit I am most excited about watching my two girls hug for the first time. That moment will be amazing. 

Thank you for all your prayer and support for my family. I can honestly say we can never thank you enough. Levins, Rett, Cullie and I are so lucky to have a support system like we do. Thank you for loving our girls.

Strong

I hope someday everyone will see Cullie as the amazing woman she is. I am in awe of her everyday. Not because she is the love of my life but also watching her Mother our children. Until you are in the situation we are, it is not something you can explain. She is always where she needs to be. She is balancing this insane time in our lives so well. The love of a Mother to her children is something I can never describe.

Her strength is unbelievable. Not having her children together is pulling strings on her heart every second of the day. I really hope one day she will understand how amazing she is. I don't understand how Rett, Levins, and I got so lucky. I know God picked right when he placed this woman in a situation that can be overwhelming for anyone. He picked a woman that is selfless. He picked a woman that is our glue.

She got a call this morning from the NICU. Levins had been struggling the past couple days. Her secretions were much higher and she was working very hard to breathe. I could see the look of pain in her face. It is something as a husband and father you never want to see. A virus of any kind can be scary for a 2 month old child. Add in the fact that she can't swallow and it gets scarier. We are probably going to move to an isolation room and hope the virus runs its course quickly. She may have to go back onto a CPAP machine. Pray for this little one.

As we flew to get ready and head to the hospital, all I could think about was how lucky I was to have Cullie. Watching her walk into the NICU and fly to Levins bedside was amazing. She immediately started talking to her and loving on her. I know Levins felt better hearing her voice and knowing that her Mama was there. It was a moment I won't ever forget. 

A person's true colors come out in the most stressful times. I knew long before we dated that she made me want to be a better person. I never imagined how strong she really is. She is my hero. Being in an unusually high amount of stress can help or kill a marriage. I believe it has made our marriage so much stronger. It has definitely showed me how important marriage is. God's plan for our lives has been crazy and sometimes overwhelming, but he has showed me how good I actually have it. I have an amazing wife and two beautiful girls. We will all be together soon.

Pray for Cullie. Pray for her strength. Pray for Levins and that this virus will run its course and she will be stronger because of it. Pray for Rett. She wants her sister home. God has a plan and we are staying the course.

Ready

I feel like we are in the "dog days of summer". What I mean by that is I feel like everything is kind of dragging along. Levins will be two months old very soon and we still don't have an idea when she will be home. We are hoping the stretching and feeding will help everything get closer. She looks so good right now. She is moving all over the place and starting to show her personality. It's all I can do not to run out the door of the NICU with her in my arms. We are ready for her to be home.

Since we found out Levins was going to be blessed with DS it has definitely changed our lives. I'll admit for the better. I know you're probably reading this and wondering how could he say that, but it's true. Life is a lot more complicated with her being in the NICU, but it has been simplified too. Our priorities have changed and life has become more enjoyable. I listen more. I enjoy talking with people and honestly wanting to hear their story. Life is all about stories and I can say it's worth listening. Levins is going to live life the way I want to live. I don't want to hold grudges or care about the size of my home. Children and adults with DS live life the Christian way.

I think it's time to tackle the abortion topic. I hope from reading this that you know that Cullie and I are Christian and come from Christian families. God is a huge part of our life and I will admit I am not the servant I need to be all the time. We all have flaws. If you think you don't, you are not being honest with yourself.

I am going to try to tackle abortion because I think our society has lost its way. The reason I write this blog is to shed light on Levins' life and save lives in the future. I can honestly say I never wished Levins to have DS. It's true. I did not pray for her to have DS. But I'll be honest and say that I never have prayed for her not to have it. I feel like that would be like me saying I was not ok with it. Levins will never be a burden to us. I will go see her everyday if possible as long as I am on this Earth. She is my daughter. I find it very hard to swallow that someone would not give a child with DS the opportunity to live. That's wrong. God makes every child in His image. DS or not they are His children. To think that someone could end a life before it has the opportunity to live and teach the world good is beyond comprehension. I will never say that this process has been easy and I know every day is going to be a new struggle. Aborting a child because he or she has a disability is sickening, selfish, and wrong. Abortion was never an option for us. We prayed and prayed for Levins. She is perfect in every way to God, Cullie, and I. Every time I look in her eyes I see peace. I see my child. I see love. I see laughter. I see pain. 

90 percent. Think about the number. 90 percent are aborted when the parents find out he or she has DS. WHAT? Who has that right to choose who lives and dies before they are given the opportunity to live. Those 90 percent of parents are selfish. I admit our struggles are going to be different than other families but not really. We will have ups and downs like every other parents. Give the child that you prayed for an opportunity to live. I really get sick thinking about Levins not being around. Her life is going to change the World. Watch and see! This child will amaze so many people. She has already amazed her Daddy from the moment I heard her heart beat. I can not wait to watch her grow. She has made me a better person. I encourage anyone thinking about joining the 90 percent to pray. Pray for your child. Pray that God will show you the joy your child will bring the world. Yes your life will change, but it will be for the better. 

I really do not know how to put abortion into words. Levins will show you why I can't put it into words. It should not be in our societies vocabulary.