Light at the end of the tunnel

"Staying the course" and "One day closer" have become our lives these past three and a half months. I use them in my daily routine to help make sure I can make it and do the things we need to do. We knew this holiday season was going to be fun and different. It has truly lived up to both. It has made me realize even more how much Family really means to us. I honestly can say that our family has helped us "Stay the course".

Christmas was great! We spent time with Rett in the morning. She opened all her presents and was so excited to play with her new toys. It was important for us to spend time with her that morning. It did not feel right not having Levins with us, but we were where we needed to be. Rett will remember this Christmas. It will be last one by herself. Next year she will have Levins crawling all over her.

We later got to spend time with Levins at the hospital. I'll admit I was really excited to see her. We brought one of her gifts for her to open. It was a bear from Dunlap Love on Etsy. She got the panda that has DS in Dunlapville. Rett got a pig that is the pandas best friend. They are pretty cool. Definitely worth looking up. One of our favorite nurses was with Levins that morning. It made us relax knowing someone that knows her was watching over her.

Levins got to meet her Great Grandparents for the first time this holiday season. It was really neat seeing them interact with her. I'll admit they do more at 82 and 83 than I do now. Their last name is Levins. My Grandpa told me he looked up Levins on an ancestry website. He said the name means "Love". That was a pretty cool moment hearing that and I know God had a plan in naming her.

They unfortunately left early this morning. Mimi and I took them to the airport early. I got home in time to sleep for a couple hours before we headed to the hospital. I could not fall asleep. I sat there thinking about Levins and Rett. This process has broken my heart for the time that I can not have back with Rett. It let me know how important each day is and not to take things for granted. I remember being tired at night and not helping Cullie with Rett with she was a baby. Now I dream about hearing Levins scream next to our bed. I guess my point is be involved with your children whatever age they are. Do not be a bystander and not help with the daily routine. You will never get those days back. It is sad that it took this situation for me to realize this. When I got in bed Rett was sleeping in the middle of our bed. She has a habit of waking up at night and coming into our room to sleep. I know it is not ideal, but I wouldn't change it now. It was all I could do not to pull her close to me and squeeze her. I laid there and thanked God for our girls. I still do not understand how I got so lucky.

This week has been up and down roller coaster of emotions for us. Levins failed her car seat study and swallow study the first time around. I know she can swallow because I have watched her do it. The problem is we have to make sure it's not going into her lungs. She had another swallow study today. It was pretty neat watching it. Our surgeon, nurse, speech therapist, and radiology team were all there watching. She swallowed everything they gave her. She did well with the honey thickness liquid, but aspirated the watery liquid at the end. We will now use the honey thickness to help train her to swallow properly. She also passed the car seat study.

After the study, we met with our surgeon. He said after watching the study he was comfortable allowing her to go home relatively soon. The words we have waited to hear for the past three and half months were finally spoken. I honestly was some what speechless. We knew that day was coming but still did not know when we would hear the words. He has given our Levins the opportunity to live. She can swallow and she can breathe. Now she is going to be able to come HOME!

We have a mixture of emotions right now. We are so excited to have our family together for the first time at home. We are going to miss the people at the NICU. I honestly tear up thinking about them. They love Levins and we love them. They are all a great team and Angels in our minds. I will never be able to thank each and every one of them enough. It has been a long journey but one they never gave up on. They have put up with our emotional roller coaster. They have always been there to listen. We have gained several new friends. Some have seen me cry more than many of my closest friends. There will be several hugs the next couple days. We will always have part of us in the West nursery.

With all that being said we are now preparing to bring Levins home. We are by no means out of the woods, but she is able to come home on light oxygen and a feeding tube. We will take her home any way we can. We have an idea of a day but that could change with several factors. I do not want to say an exact date in case it changes. Thank you for all of your support. I can honestly say I am humbled hearing of all the prayers Levins has going up for her daily. Please continue to pray for all the children and their families in the NICU. Every family deserves the same amount of support.

I am going to continue writing on this blog. I think if someone is willing to listen to her story it may help another Dad or Mom in the same position. I did not ever think this many people would follow her story. Thank you for showing your love and support to a family and child that you have not met personally.

Our day is finally coming. I am going to apologize in advance for the emotional wreck we will be walking out of the doors. It will be happy tears. Tears we have been holding in for three and a half months. I can not wait to see the look on Rett's face when Levins is carried in our house. Rett turns 3 on New Years Eve and I know it will be a great gift seeing her sister soon after.

Levins is a miracle. She is a child of God. She is perfect. I cannot wait to watch her grow. Pray for Levins and her transition in the next week. She will see the sun for the first time, feel wind on her face, meet Delia and sit on Rett's lap. The things we used to take for granted will be fun to watch with her. Pray for Rett. Pray that she has a wonderful third birthday and that her transition with Levins goes as smoothly as possible. Pray for Cullie. Pray that God will give her the peace to know we can handle her being home. Pray that she will take time to smile and enjoy the moment. Pray for our extended family. Pray for me. Pray that I will never take another diaper change for granted, another wake up to feed Levins, or anything else that needs to be done. The light in the tunnel is here. Our precious Levins will be HOME soon!