The more I read about the more peace I have about the whole situation. Levins is loved. We are preparing as a family for Levins to be blessed with an extra chromosome. We could spend the next 3+ months saying it is only 93% chance. I played a little baseball in my life and know what a .930 batting average looks like. Finding out the news has been a grieving process. We have good hours, good days and bad days. That is 100 percent normal.
It has also been kind of a relief. Finding the reason why her stomach is harder to see and why she may have heart issues. It is also nice being able to prepare for her. The more I read the more I realize she is a child. She sleeps, eats, and needs her diaper changed. Yes some things will take more time. Milestones will be that much sweeter.
Cullie, Rett, and Levins are my life. Those 3 girls will have whatever they need. We are going to make sure Levins lives a normal life. She and Rett will go to school. Levins will wear the same leggings and t shirts Rett does. They are our children and we will love them forever.
I have read some horrible statistics. 9 out of 10 children that are diagnosed with DS before they are born are aborted. I get choked up thinking about that fact. That was never even a consideration in our mind. If this blog saves one child who is diagnosed with DS and is given the opportunity to live it has been worth every hour spent on here. God has a purpose for everyone's life. Rett has taught me how to love in a totally different way. Levins has taught me so much and I have not had the opportunity to meet her yet. The only way I know she is there is to feel her kick my hand.
First and foremost she is God's child. He places children in each one of our lives to protect. Trust me I am scared to death of this fact. He has chosen her to come into our lives to teach us the meaning of life. I have a whole new outlook on life since Levins has been in our life. She has already taught me so much. She is a fighter.
Our family has a lot of laughter. We live life to the fullest I think. Here is a small prayer that Mimi sent me. I am not sure exactly who authored this prayer. If they only knew the inner peace it gave Cullie and I they would be suprised.
Most people become parents by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 couples will become parents of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how parents of handicapped children are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Michael,
daughter, patron saint, Cecilia. "Rudledge, Carrie and Adam, twins, patron saint, give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes two names to an angel and smiles, "Give them a special needs child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? They're so happy."
"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a special needs child to parents who do not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But have they patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want them to have too much patience or they will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, they'll handle it.
"I watched them today. They have that feeling of self and dependence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother and father. You see, the child I'm going to give them has his own world. They have to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think they even believe in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. These two are perfect. They have just enough selfishness. "
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If they can't separate themselves from the child occasionally, they'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman and a man whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. They doesn't realize it yet, but they are going to be envied. They will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' They will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When their child says 'Momma' for the first
time, they will be present at a miracle and know it! When they describe tree or a sunset to their blind child, they will see it as few people ever see my creations.
"I will permit them to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance,
cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow them to rise above them. They will
never be alone. I will be at their side every minute of every day of their life, because they are doing my work as surely as they are here by my side."
"And what about their patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
I am not really sure why God chose me to be the lucky one to help lead and Father Levins. I do know that she will be loved. At the end of the day that is what our marriage has been based on since day one. Why would we ever change anything now.
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