Tickle Monster

9-12-15

I woke up in the middle of the night and could not stop thinking about Levins. I knew she was pretty well sedated after surgery, but I was still nervous. I finally woke up and it was time to shower and head in to see her. Rett was in our bed at that time which was nice. It used to be something that annoyed me a little bit because I didn't want it to become a habit. Now I can not wait to hear the door open and have her crawl in.

Auntie and I got to go see her first Saturday. Cullie and I talked about her spending time with Rett that morning. We are trying to learn how to balance our time in two places. It is tough because you can not be in two places at one time. We finally made it in to her room around 8:30 and got to see her. I'll be honest it was still really hard seeing her on the ventilator. I know it was there because they wanted to make sure she remembered to breathe, but it is not something you want to see on your child. We spent some time talking to her and making sure she knew she is loved.

Pop ended up coming by and seeing his little girl. It is amazing seeing him and Granddaddy with her. The love they have for her amazes me. Seeing grown men tear up just shows me how much they care. The doctors came by and rounded. They told us everything was looking good and she should be off the vent soon.

Auntie came back in and read with Levins. She spent several hours in there with her talking with her and making sure someone was there. It helped me relax. I ended up going in the family quiet room. It is just a big room with several comfortable recliners. I told myself when we toured the NICU that I would never be in there, but I was wrong. Exhaustion hit me and I know Levins had someone with her. I probably took a 30 minute nap and then we went to lunch.

After we came back we talked with the nurse and Levins was still on the vent. I told her earlier that day she needed to be off it before Mama came up to see her. She was almost digressing. I can't blame her since breathing was easy with the vent. She did not have to do anything. I finally decided I would talk with her like I play with Rett. We always play tickle monsters. I make monster faces and tell her the tickle monster is coming to get her. I admit my monster impression is just a crossed eyed scrunched up face but it works. I normally make a few snorting noises for effect. I walked over to her bed and snorted and told her the tickle monsters were coming to get her. Her hands immediately flew up to my face. She started to breathe over the vent. She was breathing so hard all the alarms on her machine were going off. Auntie had to come help me contain her. She was trying to rip the vent out of her mouth. It scared me to death, but she knew what tickle monsters were. She was trying to run away like Rett does. It was the greatest feeling in the world. The nurses came running over and said she is ready to be off the vent.

Cullie and Mimi came to the nursery to see her soon after that. It was very surreal giving Cullie a kiss as we walked past each other in the hallway to and from the NICU. That is our life right now. Honestly I do not think we would change a thing. I mean I don't want Levins there but if that is how it has to be, we will continue it daily.

I love looking at my phone and getting pictures of Levins with whoever is there with her. I ended up getting a great one of her eyes open. I am bias, but she is gorgeous. Her eyes are my favorite.

The evening at home was also a milestone. Rett rode her bike with training wheels by herself for the first time. I was so proud. She kept yelling, "Daddy watch me!" She rode her bike for at least an hour and a half. Ryne and Sarah our good friends stuck it out with her the whole time. Seeing Rett's face light up was unbelievable. Spending time with her is equally important during this time. I feel awful not being next to Levins every minute, but my big girl needs me too. I thank God all the time for allowing me the opportunity to know those two little girls!