It has been 4 weeks since I had my baby girl in my arms. There are days it feels much longer. There are also days that I have to catch myself before heading in her room to wake her up for school. Each day is a little harder in a lot of ways because it has been one more day since I have had her with me. I also find comfort in knowing that it is one day closer to that precious baby being in my arms again.
I am heartbroken. I am devastated. I am mad. I am confused. In the midst of all those feelings, I am also unbelievably grateful. I am so grateful that God chose me to be Levins' Mama. That I got to have that sweet baby with me for four years. Every day with her was a blessing and one that I will be forever thankful for. Four years was not enough, but knowing what I know now, I would still choose her every single time. I would do it again a million times over to get to have that precious child as my daughter.
Every single day was a fight for Levins. Selfishly, I wish she was still here fighting. But, I find so much comfort in knowing that she never has to fight or suffer again. I can't even imagine what a celebration it was when my sweet girl walked through the gates of Heaven and wrapped her tiny little arms around Jesus' neck.
Thank you so much to everyone for the outpouring of love and prayers. We could never tell you how much it has meant to us and what a comfort it has been. I am so thankful to live in this town. We have absolutely wonderful friends that feel more like family. Thank you to our church family. Thank you to our family. For being strong when we can't, and for being with us every step of the way.
Levins had such an impact on so many people. We have heard so many stories from people about how Levins influenced their life, and we are so grateful for those stories. God had a plan for her from day one. I am so glad I was a part of that plan. She made me a better Mama and a better person.
Thank you to my husband. God gave me the absolute right person I needed as a husband. He loves me and our girls like nobody else could. He is my best friend and there is no way I could get through these days without him. My girls and I are so blessed he is ours.
Thank you to Rett and Lola Jean. Being your Mama is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. Rett is so compassionate and kind and the best big sister I know. Lola Jean is a "mess bucket" as she would say. She keeps us on our toes, but is so tender hearted and loves her sisters fiercely. I am so thankful for both of you. You keep me going on days that I don't think I can go any more.
There are days I feel like I can't catch my breath. I miss her so much my heart physically hurts. We are taking one day at a time. That is all we can do. I will see my baby again. I will miss her every single day until that day comes.
Mama loves you so much Levie.
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